It Just Isn't Funny

Coulrophobia /kɔʊl.ɹəʊˈfəʊ.bi.ə/
n
1. The irrational fear of clowns.

There's a few things in the world I don't like, things like wasps, spiders, cabbage, r'n'b. There's a few things that unsettle or un-nerve me, agressive drunks for example. There are a few things that piss me off: taxes, ignorance, people, wars, footballers...ok there's a lot of things that piss me off! But there are only 2 things that manage to fall into all 3 catagories. Spiders and clowns. Both these evil, purposeless, ugly things pop up unexpectedly when you least expect them. They're never welcome and insist on hanging around and drawing attention to themselves. What's worse is that they cannot be avoided. Spiders will get anywhere and wait until you're at you most relaxed before scuttling around like a knife weilding teenager high on red bull, just testing how close it can get. Clowns, rage inducing wastes of humanity, have infested everything from resturaunts and birthday parties to TV, movies and serial killers. There's a reason Stephen King's IT is a clown; they're bloody scary. Which Is why I dressed as one for Halloween (that and it's a cheap costume to make)

The worst thing about these disgusting, pestilent, deviants is that, unlike spiders, they can't be got rid of with a cup and a piece of paper, or my preffered method a heavy object to squash them with. Nor can they be avoided. Any foray into the world outdoors or online results in unexpected clown offence. Recent examples include the Sony E3 conference and various gaming websites then just this very morning:

The reason for my outburst? 'Doink the clown' appeared on WWe Raw this week. It's a wrestling show, why on earth do they need a clown?!

Now I can trace the root of my 'fear' to a traumatic incident in my past and unlike some others I'm not 'scared' of clowns like I might be scared of heights or my ex in a bad mood. I'm just sick of not being able to do anything these days without some social reject in face paint appearing to ruin things for everybody. Much like wasps at a picnic.
Cheers,
R.